Fragment of Light
by frozenhands
Summary: Ricky, Adrian, and Grace dig deep into the center of their beings for the answers that maybe weren't so far out of reach after all. Ricky/Adrian
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Fragment of Light  
**Rating**: M  
**Pairing**: Ricky/Adrian; Grace/Adrian  
**Notes**: Somewhat-mostly canon. Some changes here and there. ;)  
This is a story inspired by my other story Ashes and Wine on my account sweetsilverlining (which I lost the account information for).  
So, credit given to my account sweetsilverlining for the story. Haha. This one is different, but I hope you enjoy. Ricky and Adrian all the way. It'll get there. Here we go.

* * *

It's been two years since Amy left, leaving John and Ricky the night behind as she accepted a scholarship to Hudson University to study music and play in the college's concert and marching band; Ricky remembers the night she told him, the night before they were to get married, the veins in his neck protruding, the salt in his angry tears burning his eyes, his voice straining from yelling.

As he stood there with Amy, she became a stranger to him.

Someone he didn't want to know.

In that moment, he _hated _her_. _He hated her because he loved her and she was leaving him, selfishly, and not only him, but John; leaving him was unfathomable to Ricky.

"If you're gonna be like that, then I hate you too," Amy cried.

He half smirked, half scowled. "And what do you hate me for? Huh? I changed my whole life for you. I'm a _great_ guy. I don't cheat on you; I take care of you and John; and I'm responsible, and-"

"You're not in love with me, if that's what you were going to say. You're not in love with me."

"I love you, Amy."

"I know that you love me, Ricky. But you aren't in love with me. You're just marrying me because of John."

"What difference does that make?"

"All the difference in the world."

And he realized, with certainty, as she ended their relationship with her final statement, that she was right.

Ricky wrapped an arm around his son as he read him a book, fighting back tears as he reached the last line, fighting for his son, the one thing that was his world now: the one thing he'd die for. "And she lived happily ever after."

He kissed him on the head. "And so will we," he whispered.

* * *

Adrian has her hair professionally cut just slightly below her shoulders. As she glances at herself in the mirror, she tells the hair stylist thank you and smiles at herself, trying to give her best genuine smile. Every year is an opportunity to start over, she tells herself, trying on a new sort of optimism. Going into her sophomore year of college, she has her whole life ahead of her, a new start. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "I like it," she says with confidence. Her naturally wavy hair has been straightened and her dark raven hair lightened softly with highlights. She wears a strapless, blue dress that hugs the curves of her body.

Like she said, it's a new start. A new Adrian.

As she gazes at herself in the mirror, she catches her own eyes reflecting back at her and stares, not seeing, as her past flashes before her.

Omar leaving to attend Hudson University in New York, asking her to come with him; Adrian refusing to go with him, enraged.

Her engagement to Omar.

Her marriage to Ben.

Her baby, Mercy...

Trying to get pregnant again; exercising every morning to get back into shape and pull herself out of her depression.

Grief, sabotage, anger, heartbreak, resentment, rumination. All of these emotions return to her before she blinks and snaps back to reality when she hears the hair stylist say her name, not letting herself go any deeper down the rabbit hole.

That night, she finds herself locking her apartment door on campus where she attends classes and going to a pre-semester party in some dorm room after receiving an invitation from Grace earlier that evening. Despite her reluctance to go, she thought it over and decided it to be a good idea. This was an opportunity to express her new self, and she looked hot, if she did say so herself. Single, sexy, and smart, she deserved to be at this party as much as anyone else. Hell, she deserved to enjoy herself.

But that's the last reason on her mind that she prepares a tequila and rum margarita, swirling her straw around in her glass. She sits at the glass table alone as music bounces off the walls and sips at her drink before staring blankly at the legs of the table.

When Grace enters the room with a peppy voice and bouncy hair, Adrian doesn't look up at her right away. "Adrian, hey." It's the second time today someone's had to bring her out of her thoughts.

She blinks but doesn't look at her.

Grace comes up and puts a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Do you want to come and dance?"

Adrian looks up, smiles weakly at the girl, and shrugs. "Not right now. My friend tequila and I are spending some quality time." She takes a swig.

Grace looks at her, slightly concerned, but doesn't want to press her. "Well, come out when you're ready. We'd all really like to dance with you. It's a fun party." She looks at Adrian and bites her lip. "That looks good. Can I try it?"

"Mmhmm, go for it," Adrian says, pushing the glass over to her direction, leaning her head on her hand.

Grace stares at the blue liquid and presses the glass to her lips, taking a couple of drinks. "That is good."

"Yeah, as far as alcohol goes, it's not bad." Adrian just shrugs. She's pretty unimpressed as far as alcohol is concerned, but she likes a couple of drinks every now and then to numb the emotional pain and let loose a little bit.

"Do you want to come over, after the party?" Grace asks.

"Eh, I'm gonna stay home. Not really feeling this party so I may head out soon. You're welcome to come crash at my place though if you want."

"Of course!" Grace smiles. "One dance before you leave?"

Adrian rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Be there in a bit."

"Great." Grace leaves the room and Adrian goes back to her drink, downing the last of it. One drink is enough to send a rush of warmth through her blood. Tipsy, her head buzzes with the feeling. She walks over to the sink and washes her glass out, setting it aside.

One step into the room, the loud music thumping in her eardrums, and she turns away when she sees Grace dancing with a boy. She figures the girl has probably already had a few anyway and won't think much of her not keeping her promise.

The cool night greets her as she slips out the back door, the music growing fainter.

Her purse is thrown around her shoulder and she holds it tight around her, pepper spray and a pocket knife in her back pocket.

During those many months of grieving, a grief which has never left her heart, she took up running and kickboxing, some karate, and basic self defense.

Who knows when she could need it.

_Expect the unexpected._

* * *

Grace knocks on her door later that night and Adrian opens the door to greet her intoxicated friend. "Hi, Adrian! So good to see you! I never saw you out on the floor, did you find someone to dance with?" Adrian steps aside and Grace kind of sways as she walks into the room. Adrian raises her eyebrows, not used to seeing her friend like that.

"Yeah something like that," Adrian says dismissively. "You okay?"

"Yeah, terrific!"

"_Okay!_" Adrian mocks in a fake peppy voice.

Grace grins and looks down at her shoes. "I was kind of hoping to dance with you. I didn't see you."

"Well, there'll be plenty of other parties." She pauses, and sees that Grace looks kind of hurt. "I'm sorry. I just wasn't feeling the party, I guess. I'm glad you came over."

Adrian can smell the alcohol on Grace's breath when she steps closer to her and wraps her arms around Adrian's neck. They stand like that for a bit, just looking at each other. Grace hesitates then leans in and kisses Adrian on the mouth. Adrian, startled, recoils but then relaxes into Grace's arms, putting her arms around her waist. Grace pulls her body closer and embraces Adrian, her mouth at her neck.

Before Adrian knows it Grace is pressing a kiss against her neck, peppering kisses down the exposed flesh of her shoulder. "Grace," Adrian warns, slightly out of breath. "Do you know what you're doing?"

There's a pause, and she stills her lips, bringing her head up to face Adrian. "Of course."

Grace continues. "I just, I'm really confused. Because you're my best friend, but I want to kiss you."

Adrian smirks softly and looks at Grace patiently. "You like guys, but you like girls too. That's okay." Adrian nods at her friend. "You want to explore the new feelings you have. I get that."

"Do you?"

"I mean," Adrian pauses. "Kissing you isn't horrible," she teases, smiling. "But you're my best friend, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that."

Grace smiles back and looks like she's going to say something but doesn't. "Look, if you still feel this way in the morning, we'll see about... what we should do." Adrian isn't oblivious to the hopeful glimmer in Grace's eyes. "For now I really think you should get some sleep. I know I need to sleep."

Grace nods. "Okay. You're right."

Adrian sees the sleepiness in Grace's eyes. She stays up reading when Grace crashes in Adrian's bed, and Adrian comes to bed a couple hours later, careful not to wake her, though Grace seems to be in a deep sleep.

In the morning, the sun peaks through the curtain and Adrian blinks her eyes open, squinting as she opens the curtains and looks out at the new day. She takes a deep breath. Saturday.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Fragment of Light  
**Rating: **M**  
Pairing:** Ricky/Adrian, Grace/Adrian**  
Notes: **I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

* * *

**Chapter II**

"You ready, buddy?"

Sporting a backpack and clutching a small figurine of a dinosaur, John comes flying out from his room into the living room. "Yes!"

"You know you're gonna meet some new teachers. It'll be different. You gonna be okay with that?"

"Miss Manda."

"Miss Amanda won't be there. You'll meet new teachers you'll like. Isn't that exciting?"

John is silent, not considering the idea in hope that his beloved daycare teacher would be there on his first day of preschool.

The small boy heads towards the car with Ricky following behind, locking the door and heading to the school.

It's two weeks before Ricky starts his sophomore year of college. He'll have work during the day from six to two-thirty, pick John up at school at three, and his mother will come over on Tuesdays and Thursdays and babysit John while Ricky goes to his two classes.

Slowly, he's working towards a degree, but as of now he's still undeclared. He's getting his generals out of the way and hoping something will stand out to him.

Originally, he didn't want to attend college.

But to have a well paying job and support John by himself until Amy comes back after God knows when her university ends, he finally realized he needed a college degree, thanks to a persistent nudge from the Juergens family, his foster parents, and his biological mother.

Ricky thumbs the radio on. Nirvana's Heart Shaped Box comes on the radio as Ricky drives, checking the rear view mirror to glance at John in his car seat. They've probably heard this one thirty times.

His son starts singing, missing some of the words, as Ricky joins along. "I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks. I've been drawn into your _magna_ pit trap _trap! _I wish I could eat your _cancer_ when you turn _black!_"

Ricky smirks at his son and chuckles. "You're not gonna sing that at school, are you?"

John, suddenly bashful, shakes his head with the innocence of a child. "_Nooo_."

"And it's magnetar," Ricky adds. "Mag-nuh-tar."

John sounds it out. "Mag-uh-tar."

"Close enough." Ricky laughs. "It's a star."

"Ohhhh."

"I wish I could teach you the constellations and stuff but I don't know any. Well," he remembers, "I know one."

"What's a _con-suhlation_?"

"Constellation. It's a lot of stars that form a pattern, like a picture."

As they near the school, Ricky pulls into the parking lot and walks John inside. As they search for the correct room, the image of the constellation Scorpio flashes through his mind.

That's Adrian's sign.

She had showed him the constellation one night after they'd been fucking around.

Her face appears in his mind, then the skin of her legs, her back, the smooth curve of her body that night that the moon shone on her nude flesh. Before anymore memories could sneak up, he finds the classroom and greets John's teacher, a thin, pleasant and enthusiastic older lady.

Ricky introduces his son with a proud smile and puts a hand on his back. "Looks like there's some kids over there playing."

The teacher grins. "I like to show up 30 minutes before class for the early kids who want to come play. We've got an indoor jungle gym," she looks over her shoulder at the jungle gym behind a glass wall, with another teacher inside supervising. "There's also books and coloring pages in the reading corner."

Two other kids sit near the cubby-hole on a rug playing with blocks and pulling out coloring books from the shelf. John looks over and Ricky smiles and guides him towards the two kids, standing back to watch John for a second as he makes small talk with the teacher.

John's shy at first but quickly warms up. When he thinks he's ready, Ricky tells his son he's leaving and when he does, John seems satisfied hanging out with the other kids.

Ricky knows that a mother would be emotional right now, but as John's father he feels happy when he leaves.

He's happy because he knows John's gonna be okay, and he raised him that way.

He had to.

* * *

When he enters the butcher shop, the door clicking behind him, his phone vibrates with a voice message. He greets Leo then listens to the message.

Aversion immediately rises in his stomach when he recognizes her voice.

During a heated argument, she had snapped at him with tears straining her voice, "Why don't you just change your number? Never hear from me again. Hell, why don't you move, and don't tell me your address either. Don't bother sending me pictures of my son."

Of course, he hadn't done that.

But he doesn't like hearing from Amy.

"Ricky, I'm just calling to check up on John... I know today's his first day of preschool. Please call me back... I'd like to hear from - from both of you." _Delete. _He yanks the phone from his ear and shoves it into his pocket.

He'll call her later and let John talk to her; he doesn't need to hear her message.

* * *

It is by complete accident that they see each other again.

It is by chance that they bump into each other, and it's a complete cliche, the way Adrian's books go flying out of her hands and Ricky rushes to gather them up off the floor.

And it is with the utmost awkwardness that he stutters out, "Sorry - I - wasn't looking where I was going - I guess this is why people shouldn't look at their phones and walk."

"God forbid drink and drive," Adrian adds cheekily to smooth the awkwardness.

"Right." He chuckles, handing her books to her, making it a point not to let their hands brush against the others'.

He doesn't know why he's so awkward. He doesn't know why he has this flutter in his stomach. He hasn't talked to her in months; hasn't really been around her besides seeing each other in the hallway freshman year and exchanging simple pleasantries. They have each other on Facebook, have acknowledged each other's birthdays, liked some statuses here and there, but that's been it as far as communication goes.

Of course, he thinks about her.

To tell you the truth, he thinks about the past every day.

And so does Adrian, every day, without fail, everything from her dysfunctional parental units growing up to the day before, ruminating on whether she made the most of it.

"How've you been, Ricky?" She's genuinely interested. And for years she's been finished chasing after him. It was silly, immature, and a desperate hope that they would reunite in college, but she's since let that go.

"I've been, you know-" he mutters, still stumbling over his words, staring at her, how much she's changed, her hair, the refined manner on her face, before finally finding a safe topic, "I took John to his first day of preschool today."

"Oh." She smiles. She remembers holding John as a baby, and her gut wrenches slightly when she remembers holding her own baby, still in her arms.

She can't help it.

The flashbacks come. They always do.

And each time, they hit her with such a relentless blow. "How'd he do? Was he nervous?"

"No, not really." Ricky smiles, thinking of his son. "He was a little when we walked in the classroom, but he found some friends to play with. He was pretty brave."

"Of course he was. Just like his father."

They stare at each other for just a moment. It's hardly more than a second, but it's long enough that a thousand emotions cross their eyes. Ricky swallows, doing his best to maintain his cool, and nods. "Well," he says bashfully, smiling a half smile, "I guess, yeah."

Adrian sucks in her top lip and fights the urge to tell him how proud she is of him, of the life he's created for him and his son. She thinks he knows it, anyway.

"What about you, what's new?" Ricky asks.

She shrugs a shoulder, hesitates, then says confidently, "Everything."

Without noticing, without checking, they've let five minutes go by past the time they needed to make it to class. Ricky remembers and checks his watch. "So where're you headed?"

"Microbiology. You?"

He nods. "History."

Students rush to make it to their class without being denied entry, pulling Ricky and Adrian away from their conversation. "I'll see you around," she says, but it comes out as more like a question.

"Yeah. I'll see you, Adrian," Ricky says, definite.

They begin to head to their classes before realizing that they're both going in the same direction, and they laugh."I'm looking for B7."

"I'm going to B8. That's around this corner and straight. Guess I'll walk you to your class," Ricky says.

"All right, sounds good," she laughs.

They're silent as they walk to their classes, both lost in thought and emotion; from the sway of Adrian's body next to his, to the alluring vanilla smell of her perfume, Ricky can't deny the familiar flutter of attraction in his chest that's now tinted with sadness.

Adrian brushes a strand of hair behind her ear nervously. "There it is, B7. So... I'll see you around, Ricky."

"Yeah, see you around, for real this time," he flounders, and they both kind of laugh nervously and turn to walk into their respective classes.

Adrian is bothered by the fact that she can't concentrate on the lecture. Half of the class has passed and she's taken only a couple of notes towards the beginning before zoning out on Ricky.

Her hands are slightly sweaty and her heart races past its normal speed. Although her embarrassment finally dissipates, she continues to turn their interaction around and around in her head. Why, she wonders, did a little bit of small talk with him elicit that sort of reaction?

This begins to be an expected series of events every Tuesday and Thursday; she continues her Monday and Wednesday classes with ease, but her participation in her Microbiology class is strained.

* * *

"Good morning, Adrian. Can we talk?" Grace says when she wakes up.

"Mmhm, I've been waiting for you to wake up," Adrian says, smiling a half smile as she sips her coffee at her desk.

Grace sighs. "Ugh, my head hurts."

"I'm sure it does."

She holds her head in both hands and closes her eyes. "_God, please help me," _she whispers.

"Help yourself," Adrian mumbles back.

"Why are you being like that?"

"Really, turning to God after a night of getting drunk and kissing your best friend? I'm sure he has so much sympathy."

"You're being really mean to me."

"If you're just here to tell me you like girls but you can't keep your hands off me and we can't be friends anymore, then go ahead and walk out the door," Adrian says. Grace looks at her with her lips pursed but says nothing. "There it is," she raises her hand to signal towards the door.

"I'm not. I wanted to hang out with my best friend," Grace snaps, near tears. "I drank too much but I didn't... I wanted... I didn't mean..."

Adrian lets out a loud sigh. "Spit it out."

"I shouldn't have kissed you," she says. "I like kissing you..." Adrian raises an eyebrow. "But like I said, you're my best friend. It was wrong. I was with a guy last night... we were dancing... and he kissed me... and I felt..." Grace puts her head in her hands. "I wanted to leave. I didn't want him. I wanted to come here. I ended up here."

"Grace, I love you," Adrian says. "But you are my best friend. As you said. And I'm... largely, for the most part..."

"Interested in guys," Grace finishes.

Adrian gives her a look. "No. Interested in _no one_ right now."

"Yeah, I should probably follow the same line of thinking." Grace gives her a smile.

"Maybe. Look, you want to catch some lunch later? I've got to study."

"Sure." She smiles sadly. "I'll see you later."

"See ya."

Adrian hugs Grace before she leaves and shuts the door behind her, sighing and rolling her eyes a bit.

Truth is, and as much as she's all for herself this semester, Adrian Lee really wants to get laid. Maybe that's what she needs, find some hot guy for some meaningless sex after getting all hot and bothered by talking to Ricky earlier. That ship has sailed, she knows it.

But Grace? No. She's too indecisive, and they're just friends, anyway, and she wants to keep it that way.

She should have put a stop to it last night right when it happened.

"Oh dios mío," Adrian murmurs, shaking her head. She plops onto her couch, opens up her book, and begins studying.

* * *

On Thursday, Adrian and Ricky seem to be developing a ritual of walking with each other to their classes, making light small talk.

But that day, Ricky turns to Adrian before she turns to head into her classroom. "Would you wanna... catch up or somethin'? Just talk. I dunno. I guess I could just use a friend."

She searches his eyes for any sexual proposition there and finds none. Still, finding her stomach fluttering. "That sounds nice. I could use a friend too, honestly."

"You want to just come by my place?" He shrugs. "The kid and I are kinda a package deal," he smirks.

She chuckles. "Of course. It'd be good to see John, anyway. Um, tonight?"

"Yeah. After class. Oh," he pulls out a piece of paper and scribbles his address down.

"Sounds good." Their hands brush lightly as she takes the piece of paper and she bites on her top lip slightly, and her lips spread into a smile. "See ya tonight, Ricky."

* * *

Adrian runs by her apartment to change after class and she's searching through her wardrobe frantically when she notices that her her hands are shaking.

She lets out a long sigh, trying to calm herself.

_It's just Ricky._

_Just Ricky? _As if that means anything at all; he's never been _just Ricky - e_ven now, with their lives going in a thousand different directions.

"Okay, just choose something. It doesn't matter," she mutters to herself, and settles on a pair of jeans and a purple blouse. She grabs a snack and her purse and heads out the door, grasping the piece of paper with Ricky's address on it. She'd heard from Grace that he lived on campus, but she hadn't known where until now.

It's about half a mile walk to his apartment that's on the other side of the campus. She takes a deep breath, smooths her shirt down, and knocks on the door.

Adrian can hear chuckling behind the door as it opens and Ricky's signature smirk meets her, with his mother coming up behind him. "I was just leaving," she holds up her hands. "I'm expecting to see you for dinner on Saturday," she says, turning to Ricky with a pointed look.

"You got it."

She winks and walks by Adrian to leave.

"So come in." Ricky moves aside to allow Adrian entry into his apartment, and the warmth invites her as it brushes against her skin upon stepping across the threshold. "I already got John to bed. He's usually down by 8:30, but I thought we could use the night to talk to ourselves. Sorry if that's,"

"No, no - that's fine. It would have been good to see him, but it'll be nice to catch up with you." She sucks in her top lip, curses her nerves.

"Yeah, well, this is the place. Not much to it, really," he motions with his hand around the modest living room, everything straight and orderly, a bookcase in the corner with a few pictures of John and Ricky, a blanket folded neatly across the back of the couch. "Do you want water, anything? I guess I don't know if you drink."

"Not much, but I wouldn't mind a glass of wine if you have one."

"Sure," he smirks softly, "coming up," as he leads her into the adjoining kitchen and opens up the shiny stainless steel fridge. "White or red?"

"White's fine, thank you."

He nods. "I prefer it too. Kinda like it sweet."

She chews on her lip. "I'm the same way. I can't drink bitter wine."

"Right," he chuckles. The bottle of white white glints in his hand as he uses the bottle opener to pry out the cork and pours the liquid into two glasses, handing one to her.

"Thanks." She smiles, making her way over to the bar table and pulling out a stool.

Ricky sits next to her and Adrian brings the glass to her lips to take a couple of sips, the sweet liquid warming up her system.

"So when did you move?"

"Last year. It's more convenient, being on campus and all."

"Right." She clicks her tongue, hoping the alcohol will wash away her nerves, but never one to rely on it. She looks down at the table and can feel Ricky's eyes boring into her.

"Have you really been doing good?"

"Yeah, school's going good. I've...never had a problem with that, as you know. And things are good. I mostly study and hang out with Grace. That's my life."

He nods. "Yeah, I'm mostly with John. Not that I'm complaining. I love him, and the time we have together." He takes a swallow of wine. "Sometimes I just need some time to do adult things."

"Right, yeah, that's understandable... I'm glad he's doing good at school," she smiles. "That still going well, right?"

"Yeah, that's still going well. He just goes right in."

There's a pause of silence, and the two sit working on their glass of wine, Adrian worrying her lip between her teeth.

"This is sorta...weird, isn't it?" He sighs. "I know it's been a long time since we've...it's been a really long time since we've talked, Adrian. I wanna reconnect with you. After everything, maybe we could be friends."

"It's weird. But it's good. It's good to be here. I mean. I think it's normal that it's weird." She pulls her eyebrows together, staring at the wall as she sips her wine. "We don't really...know each other anymore. I mean, there's so much that's come between us. But you're always my friend, Ricky."

He swallows. "I feel like I know you, Adrian," he says lowly. "I don't think anything can come between that."

She looks up to meet his dark, soft eyes and relaxes. "Yeah. We have... quite the history."

"Yeah," he chuckles, and he can't help it, but his eyes go to her neck and a scene flashes through his head of his lips pressed against the skin there. He looks back into her eyes and downs his glass. "You want a refill?"

"Sure. Might as well."

"So tell me what's really going on," he murmurs quietly, topping off her glass. He isn't shy, his eyes searching hers.

She shrugs. "I've been good. I feel - _independent_. I still think about Mercy..." There's a long pause as she closes her eyes before taking a shaky breath and forcing them open. "Every day. But I'm moving on. I'm making something of myself. I'm not the same person I used to be and I feel empowered by that. I get lonely from time to time," she admits. "But I have a few friends. Don't really need many. How's Amy? Or - should I just not breach the subject?" She makes an apologetic face at having brought it up, the words spilling from her lips before she could catch them.

"It's fine. She calls me sometimes. I don't talk to her, but John does. They talk a couple times a week, video chat sometimes. I just can't bring myself to talk to her. You ever talk to Omar?"

"No, that ship's sailed," she laughs. "I don't really miss him."

"Mm. You don't miss him, or you don't let yourself miss him?" he asks, the wine maybe having something to do with the question. They pour a third glass and a small fourth and finish off the bottle together, letting themselves freely talk and update each other on their inner and outer lives. It begins to feel natural, like coming home - ears waiting to listen.

"I actually signed up for a dating site today," Adrian admits with a laugh. "I'm that hard up for sex, I guess. It's been... a while."

A shiver passes down his spine and he looks away, out of respect. "Oh yeah? For me, too."

They both laugh.

It feels good to laugh like that.

"Really? Ricky Underwood?" He smirks, shrugs his shoulders. "Guess you've been so busy being a father, though. Makes sense. Still..."

"What?" His eyes implore hers, and he can't stop himself from laughing.

"How do you..." She hesitates, but goes on. "How do you handle the...urges?"

"Me and my right hand are well familiar with each other."

She smirks. "It's been a long time..."

"You don't?"

"No, not really," she admits.

"I mean, I don't do it a lot. Not really much time. But when I get some time to myself, I figure why not?"

She chuckles, closes her eyes and squeezes them shut. "Basic human need." She shrugs.

"Right."

They are looking at each other with their breathing quickened slightly and Ricky licks his lips almost inconceivably. He takes her by surprise and sets his hand on her shoulder, the sensation sending a burning through the pit of her stomach. They look at each other sadly and he is doing everything he can not to lean in and kiss her. But being with her feels so natural... he should have known it would be this way. He should have known he would want to have sex with her. Maybe not even sex, but just kissing, he'd settle with. But it's not up to him. It would be up to both of them; and they were treading dangerous waters.

"Ricky?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm so proud of you. Of the person you've become. You're a good person, Ricky."

"So are you, Adrian. And I hope you're happy. Truly happy. You deserve that."

He moves his hand from her shoulder and covers her hand with his. "When I found out what happened... at the hospital - I wanted so bad to see you, to comfort you. I'm sorry I didn't. You were there for me when my son was born. I'll never forget that."

"It's okay, Ricky. It was so long ago."

"Still."

"I grieved for a long time. I was _so angry. _Angry at myself, angry at the world. Believing I deserved what happened for what I did, going behind your back; cheating on you. It took me so long to let that go." Her eyes prickle with tears.

"We're both at fault for the way things went between us."

"I spent so long with this self hate," she continues, "and it killed me, because I knew you hated me too."

Ricky looks at her sadly. "I know I didn't do a good job at showing you otherwise. But I've never hated you, Adrian. Not for a single second."

A tear slides down her face. "Even right after...?"

"I was mad, not gonna lie, I was angry as hell. But I never hated you. If anything, you should hate me."

"Ricky... no- I don't-"

He pulls her into a hug and she closes her eyes, wraps her arms around his neck; and the warmth of his body, the comfort feels so good, she sighs against his shoulder. "I've missed you."

They pull apart and he looks into her eyes, his gaze going down to her lips, before he hears a soft voice in the doorway.

"Daddy? I had a nightmare."

"Yeah, what about, little man? Head on back to bed, I'll be right there. One minute. Promise."

He nods and turning, heads back down the hall to his bedroom.

"I should - probably get going anyway," Adrian says.

She squeezes his hand. "We gotta do this again sometime soon. It's been really good talking to you."

"You too, Ricky. We'll do it again soon." She smiles and he walks her out the door.

Adrian Lee really needs to get laid.


End file.
